Yes, I'm still alive.

It's been quite some time since I posted any kind of an update but it's not for lack of material. Honestly, it's more a lack of motivation. I haven't written anything in months. I don't know if it's writer's block or not because I haven't even tried to write anything. The inspiration and desire just hasn't been there. Anyway, I can slowly feel it creeping back so all isn't lost I guess.

So, what's been happening lately? Well, I've been back in my beloved homeland since the very end of November. I didn't do much of anything for a month except for sleep, drink, download anything and everything I didn't have, drive my mother around and go out with my father. Now, I know it doesn't sound like much fun, but it wasn't so bad either. Anyway, I seem to be coming back into some sort of normal existence and it's rather nice. I'm back on a regular exercise regime, eating healthily, going a few days at a time without smoking, drinking much less and just generally living a better life. My body and spirits have been better for it as well.

With that being said though, not everything is rosy. Every time I go out to eat here, I'm generally disgusted by what I find as well as the people there. I've sworn off chain restaurants and vow to never eat anywhere else again except for independent cafes and bars/pubs. For the record, we don't have street food—thanks to our mental laws and regulations—or that would be an option as well. No one seems to understand that hot tea is a normal drink, you don't have to dump ice in my water (or even bring me water at all if I don't ask for it), if I want to eat something I'll actually order it and that by being annoying, pushy and generally a twat won't earn you a larger tip—or a tip at all for that matter.

Why people feel the need to talk to me—or are they talking at me?—constantly is baffling. If I don't know you, don't engage you first or you aren't a female that is remotely attractive, I don't want to hear your mouth. I can clearly see that it's cloudy, rainy, cold, hot, snowing, etc. outside without you telling me. If I buy twelve beers, maybe I'll drink them all myself, maybe I'm stocking up or maybe I'm going to share them with friends. Either way, it's none of your fucking business.

Oh, and while we're speaking of beers, I'm about sick of being insulted by my ID being requested all the time. Seriously, do I really look younger than twenty-one? For that matter, the last time I bought a pack of cigarettes I got carded! It's mildly flattering the first time but after that it's just annoying and insulting. I always use my passport since the photo resembles me now and I'm used to carrying it everywhere. I'm baffled by how many people have asked me where I'm from when it clearly states that the document is a US passport and was issued in the USA. Maybe it's the multiple languages? Who knows.

The general pettiness of people has been getting me down as well. I couldn't tell you how many times it's been too hot, too cold, too loud, too late, too early, too spicy, too bland, too smoky, too dirty or something that is generally meaningless and just another example of how spoiled and pampered a lot of the people here are. I'm just happy to have a place to stay, clothes to wear, food to eat, drinks to drink and a generally comfortable, safe existence. That's more than most people can say so why can't the majority of the populace here appreciate that?

Eh, I guess I'm drifting toward negativity now so I'm going to wrap things up. The job search is ramping itself up quite a bit and hopefully I won't have to endure this much longer. I'm burning to get back on the road, off in another country and having fun again. This mundane, day-to-day existence just isn't for me.

So Blind

http://dailysocial.net/en/2011/09/08/indonesian-government-threatens-rim-with-additional-taxes-over-malaysia-decision/

http://theunspunblog.com/ (see: 'Introspection, not revenge...)

Oh, poor Indonesia. Griping and whining again because Malaysia managed to snag RIM (BlackBerry) from them. It's no small wonder when you live here and get first-hand knowledge of just what Indonesia asks and has asked of RIM to do. Take a read for yourself and it will all make sense. It's so sad because other companies that want to invest here are going to look at this and think, "Why invest there when we can invest and build somewhere civilized and reasonable?" If only the government could pull its head out of its ass and see clearly.

100% bad-assery!!!

I've been an Anthrax fan for a long time. Honestly though, I never fancied their albums with Joey Belladona on vocals nearly as much as the ones with John Bush. 'Persistence of Time' was pretty bad-ass as was ' Among The Living' but I never cared much for the others. A song here and there yeah, but overall, not so much. Even 'Sound of White Noise' was hit and miss for me. It's got what might be my favorite song of theirs ("Only") but other than that, there wasn't much on offer. Then they released 'Stomp 442' and I was a die-hard fan for three years until they released the stinker 'Volume 8'. How they could dip so quickly and drastically with one album still shocks me.

However, they picked it back up with 'We've Come for You All' in 2003. While it wasn't a masterpiece, it was littered with some scorching tunes ("What Doesn't Die", "Refuse to be Denied", "Safe Home"), a revamped enthusiasm, a new guitar player with chops and it left me with hope they still had it. After I saw them play a blistering two-hour plus set, I was sold. That is still one of the best shows I've ever seen and to think that it only cost me $15 is nearly unimaginable now.

So, moving on to their latest offering. To say this album is wonderful, majestic and a fucking masterpiece doesn't do it justice. Everything is spot on with this album. Joey Belladona's voice has never sounded this good. He sounds inspired beyond inspiration and puts in an effort that, to me anyway, trumps everything Anthrax recorded with John Bush. The drumming on this record shows you what Charlie Benante can do. He's frequently cited as a progenitor of metal (thrash) drumming and you can see why on this. He just kills it. Scott Ian and Rob Caggiano shred, riff and solo this album into the stratosphere. It's goddamn auditory ecstasy.

I know I've listened to this at least twenty times already. Seriously, it's that fucking good. I have no qualms in saying this is the best, most complete and all-around album they've released. It's got it all and will leave you coming back for more. I cant' say enough good things about this release. I only hope I'm lucky enough to catch them on tour supporting this beast. If they sound like this live, there's no telling how good the shows will be. Rock on and long live Anthrax!!!

It could be you

I remember hearing about an Australian that turned up dead in a hotel here last year but it never got much press, no one seemed to know much about it and I never really followed up on it either. Then, a few days ago, I read something on a totally unrelated forum, it got me thinking and I did a little research. Turns out an Aussie did turn up dead under very suspicious circumstances. So far as I know, nothing was ever done to solve the case—and if there were, no one has said anything about it. Looks like another suspicious and anonymous death abroad. It could be you.

Check it out here and here. Sorry for those of you that can't read Indonesian. Use Google Translate instead.

Another reason to love or hate

http://www.thejakartaglobe.com/jakartajungle/the-bitter-truth-in-jakarta-smoking-in-a-non-smoking-room-is-sadly-normal/462092

Yep, another article on smoking. Like it or not, it's endemic here and probably won't be going away any time soon. Being a rampant smoker myself, I'm not complaining, but apparently other people do. And it's not just Jakarta with their public smoking ban that's a laughing stock. Restaurants or really just about any place that actively and openly prohibits smoking usually won't enforce it. I've only been told to put it out once and that was at Gambir Station in Jakarta. Hell, even then I was outside. I should have known something was up when no one else was smoking. Someone could've given me a heads up but ah well.

Now, this really underscores how big, red "no smoking" signs are enforced in Palembang. So, I'm eating with a rather large group. They were breaking their fast and after stuffing their faces with food and drink, it's time for the smokers to light up since smoking is also forbidden during the day. I've already spotted the "no smoking" sign underneath the fan and am curious how this is going to go down since it was my first time in the place. Being the only one with social graces, I ask. This is how it went down:


Me: Mas. Boleh merokok ngak? (May we smoke or not.)
Server: Boleh. Ngak apa-apa. (You may. No problem.)
Me: Iya, tapi tanda mengatakan ngak boleh. (Yeah, but the sign says "no smoking".)
Server: Benar tapi ngak apa-apa. Merokok aja. (True but it's not a problem. Just smoke.)
Me: Ok. Minta asbak. (Ok. Bring an ashtray.)


And of course after our table lit up, it was like a domino effect. Everyone (well, almost anyway) was puffing away in bliss. I've got to say, it doesn't get much better than that.

Let's take a little look back

Well, I managed to survive my holiday. I obviously didn’t die, no serious injuries to speak of, I didn’t get mugged and I managed to not blow all of my money even though I did go a bit over budget. All in all, I’d chalk it up as a success. Making it to the top of Mt. Kerinci was undoubtedly the crown jewel but Krakatau (well, Anak Krakatau to be exact) wasn’t close behind. Seeing it blow its top again and again and then being able to stand on its shores was a humbling and monumental experience. To say it was worth every bit of money we paid to get there is a vast understatement.

Honestly, we didn’t expect it to be active at all since every bit of news we received was that it wasn’t active—at all. Now, we of course went there expecting to see nothing but when we went around one of the islands about an hour into the journey and I saw the black smoke, I knew what was happening and it was fucking spectacular. I’ve never seen a volcano actively erupt with my own eyes and it was mesmerizing. I couldn’t stop thinking that we were in the same place where an eruption literally changed the world in 1883 with an unimaginable eruption.

All the historical information aside, it was still an amazing experience. To visibly see the Earth spew its guts is something that just has to be seen. Knowing that at any moment that fucker could spew ash and rocks on us at any moment was, well, a bit exciting. Creepy and a tad bit scary yes, but most of the time I just had goosebumps from being there. There is a very mystical air that lingers about and it starts before you even arrive. Honestly, I’d go back again tomorrow if I had the opportunity.

Conquering Mt. Kerinci was definitely more challenging but I can’t say it was any more rewarding. Sure, the views were splendid, the physical exertion was welcomed and the cold weather on the top a welcome change, but it didn’t move me like Krakatau did. When we set up camp, I honestly thought—and subsequently said out loud—“This is going to be my quietest night in Indonesia.” Well, I should have known that would never come to fruition. Not two hours into our attempt to sleep, I saw a massive flash of light and then felt floor-shaking thunder. You can guess what happened after that: yep, it started to rain. When you’re in a third-rate, barely music festival worthy tent, this isn’t comfortable. Add to that the fact that we were literally sleeping under a dilapidated shelter of nothing but steel (read: FUCKING STEEL!) bars with lightning raining down, it wasn’t exactly comforting either.

Now, this little storm did pass but I swear not two hours or so later, I start to hear voices. Now, I’m wondering just who the fuck is up here in the middle of the night and what the hell are they doing. It is Indonesia you know. It turns out that it was another group who, for whatever reason, decided to ascend in the middle of the night. To say that they were loud, obnoxious, ignorant fucks would be putting it mildly. They acted as most Indonesians do with complete indifference to the fact that it was nearly 1.00am, we were obviously in the tent (and probably trying to sleep) and acted like a bunch of wild animals—which I suppose would be appropriate since we were in the forest on a volcano and all. Nevertheless, I quickly realized that even at 3000 meters, you might be able to escape the mosques, but you can’t escape Indo(noise)ia—fuck me.

The transportation problems on this trip were unparalleled by anything I could ever have dreamt up. Sure, transport in this country is generally total shit, but to not be able to cover short distances due to everything being full, landslides, bad roads and idiotic, stupid, uninformed people just about pushed me over the edge. I tried to hold my patience but it was tough. After nearly two days without sleep or even lying down properly to even attempt to sleep, I was a physical and emotional wreck just waiting to blow. Somehow, we finally managed to rent a private car from one of the travel agency owners and got him to drive us to town at the terminus of the rail line. From there, it was relatively smooth sailing to Pagar Alam but my god were we shattered. Then, just to make it 100% Indonesia, our driver (who I must say was a funny, clever son of a bitch) dropped the news on me that a bomb exploded in Lubuk Linggau not one week before. Well, fucking great eh!

Not to be deterred, we procured a very nice, but still rather cheap, hotel that sold over-priced beer with a broken shower rendering it impossible to clean up. After two days of travelling in the tropics, I smelt of everything nasty and hadn’t shaved in well over a week. We just said, “fuck it” and went in search of cold beer to get positively drunk, forget about it all and pass out. After reaching a well-deserved state of intoxication, we managed to waddle to the store to buy more beer, as I wasn’t quite ready to throw in the towel, and make it back to the room. I managed to get two of the four down before I couldn’t stay awake any longer and was asleep at something like 3.00pm. I awoke again around 7.30pm, continued the assault on my liver, made a few phone calls, watched it rain and then went back to sleep uninterrupted until the next morning. Yes, it was a great night.

{Interlude of shit that isn’t important or newsworthy.}

Yes, I do realize I’m skipping around a bit but we did make it back to Palembang where things just got, well, interesting in the best of ways. A hot romance ensued, a massive party went down and things went from great to awful and back to great again—wow! I must say that this place always keeps me on my toes. Just when I think it can’t get worse, it gets great and when I think it can’t get any better, it gets worse. I don’t know if that’s the best way to exist, but well, it’s reality for the time being anyway and in some ways, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, this is where things get interesting. It’s about to come down to decision-making time and I can honestly say that I don’t know what the hell to do. If I put my faith in one thing, it’s rather easy. If I follow my heart and do what I want to do, it’s rather easy. However, if I factor in reality and outside opinions, it becomes rather difficult and that’s my problem. I’m beginning to feel exactly like I did last time and that is torn. I’m torn between making an easy decision and a hard decision. I’m torn between staying on the same path or making a change. I’m torn between exploring the unknown or taking the path that’s already known. With everything that’s been said and happened, it’s just not clear right now and I don’t know if it will ever be completely clear either.

I guess it comes down to trust and putting your faith in the unknown. But can I do that? Am I ready to do that? What am I willing to do? What is the other person willing to do? Is it possible to achieve what we want to achieve? These are all things that are unanswerable at this point. I wish there were a clear, well-lit path but there just isn’t. I never thought that at twenty-eight I’d even be thinking like this but I am.

I’ve done some great things here and I know that leaving would be hard. Overall, I quite like Indonesia. Even though it’s not always easy to live here, I’d say that most of the time it’s great. It’s unbelievably hard—and even harder to describe—the difficulties in adjusting to a new country, language and especially culture. The way that things are done here and the way people act are so radically different from anything I’ve ever experienced. From the fist day until now, I still make mistakes. I say the wrong thing, I do the wrong things, I’m misunderstood and misinterpreted and it can be frustrating as all hell. However, I’m trying, I’ve been trying and I’ll keep trying until I get it right. Every learning process has its share of mistakes and this one is no different. I can only hope that my efforts are appreciated and not taken for granted because I’m trying harder than anyone probably knows.

Eh, it seems that I’m beginning to get off topic and get into things that I’d rather not right now. All in good time I suppose. All in good time. I’m off until I have another good story to tell.

Burn it, burn it

Okay, first things first. Why the fuck did I never listen to Mastodon until just a few days ago? Can someone please explain to me why no one ever sat me down, played their records and let me like it? Fuck anyone for not doing that! Anyway, I’ve spent two days engrossed in their music and it’s phenomenal. I guess good things come to those who wait. Not only has it been Mastodon lately either. The new Amorphis album is quite good. While I’m still digesting it, I know it will grow on me like the last three albums have. At first listen, it doesn’t just come out with all guns blazing. It’s got a strange complexity to it and I kind of like that. Once it clicks, I’ll appreciate it more.

Other than that, Sepultura’s new record is just flattening. For me, it’s the best record they’ve done with Derrick Green. Everything fits this time around and it sounds complete. His vocals fit the music perfectly, the aggression is there and if they can keep making music like this, they’ll be around a while. I just got my hands on the new In Flames record yesterday and after the first spin, it’s brilliant. It seems that whatever they’ve been trying to do since ‘Clayman’ came out has finally materialized. I’ve been confused about their direction, sound and what not the past few years but it never stopped them from crushing live. Even the songs from ‘Reroute to Remain’ and ‘Clayman’ blistered live. Either way, the new one is complete, it’s heavy, it rocks, the songs are rock solid and for once, the vocals don’t sound out of place! Well-done gentlemen.

Oh, and how could I forget the new Morbid Angel record? After hearing the intro and the second song, I was cringing. I just didn’t know how it could be that such a brilliant, heavy band could possibly play music like that. However, after track two, it turns into the Morbid Angel of old and it doesn’t disappoint. The riffing, tempos and rhythms are all over the place. The guitars are as insane, quirky and mesmerizing as ever. The drumming is phenomenal and Tim Yeung does a standout job filling in for the recording. Aside from the couple of experimental tracks, it’s amazing and was well worth the long wait. They are extreme and they do push the boundaries. Morbid Angel always has and this record is no different from the others in that respect.

Moving on from music, it’s holiday time in a few days…yay! Or then again, maybe not. My desire for travel and adventure are rather diminished at this point. It’s not that I don’t want to leave here and go somewhere else—oh do I ever—but rather that I’m not too fussed about doing this and doing that, seeing this and seeing that, etc. I’m just happy I won’t have to come to work, sleep in my house, go to the same places and do the same things over and over again, eat some slightly different food, see and meet different people and not be exposed to the lying, gossiping hell-hole that I now call home. Escaping that, if only for a few weeks, will be monumental and will hopefully restore me to a peaceful existence. I don’t think I’ll catch up on sleep or regain my health, but it can at least be a start.

That said, I’m so fucking lazy this time around that I haven’t even bought my plane tickets yet nor do I even know where or when I’m leaving. It sounds insane but it would be true. I want to go tomorrow afternoon after work but there is a party on Saturday that I’ve been requested to attend—even though I’d rather not—and I’m teetering between sucking it up and going or just fucking off regardless of what anyone else wants. Sometimes that is a hard choice. Basically, I don’t need to push or damage my fragile relationship any further and by doing what I want to do, it most definitely would. Now, there won’t be any alcohol unless I sneak it in, I’ll have to dress up and play the social animal that I’m not, there will be too many people, too many pictures and too much bullshit for me to possibly tolerate. I’ll end up in the back sneaking nips of booze trying to maintain my composure until I get to go home. Oh, how much nicer it would be to be somewhere else.

Now, I can already tell you what’s going to happen. I’m going to show up next to my all dolled up other half and be subjected to staring, gazing, gawking, whispering and what not before I even enter the gate. When I get in there, it will be the usual social bullshit that goes on at things like this:

            I: Where are you from?

            B: I’m from the US.

            I: Where’s that?

            B: America.

            I: Oh wow! You’re from America? Do you know Obama? He’s my brother…hiks hiks hiks!!!

            B: No, I’m sorry I don’t. I’ve never met him. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even vote for him! I think he’s a quack President, a liar and no different from any other politician in my beloved homeland.

            I: I don’t understand.

            B: Of course you don’t. I’m getting a phone call and I want to go get some ‘pempek’. See you later doll.

Ugh…put the gun in my face, aim high and let the lead fly. Later, when I happen to run into some other moron, it will go something like this:

            I: Where are you from?

            B: America (I’ve learned this is easier than speaking correctly)

            I: Wow! How long have you been in Indonesia?

            B: Almost two years.

            I: Yeah, that’s a long time. Do you like it here?

            B: Sometimes yes and sometimes no.

            I: Are you married?

            B: No, not yet.

            I: Any plans to get married?

            B: No, not yet.

            I: Do you want to marry an Indonesian girl?

            B: I’m not sure yet.

            I: Any kids?

            B: No, not yet.

            I: So, you’re alone here?

            B: Yep. I came alone, I live alone and I’m rather happy like that as I don’t have anyone telling me what to do, when to go to sleep, when to wake up, what to eat, how to dress, cut my hair, etc. It’s phenomenal living by yourself wouldn’t you agree?

            I: Huh?

            B: Yep, I thought so. Oh, look at the time. I better go get some more ‘pempek’ before it’s all gone. Talk you later.

Ugh…kill me again. I could give endless examples of the banalities but I’m quite sure you get the point. Now, if all I’m getting out of this is a free meal, what’s the point? I can eat something simple, filling and equally delicious for 15.000 rupiah and not have to put up with any bullshit either. I know which one I’d rather do but sometimes logic dictates we make the more logical choice no matter how horrid the results may be. If I can just get intoxicated enough to not appear or smell intoxicated, I’ll be fine. If I can’t do that, it will be miserable.

Also, there will be so many stupid hot women (god willing, older as well) there that it will be tempting to do something completely retarded. If I’m just a wee bit pissed, I’ll only think about doing it. If I’m completely pissed, I will do it. If I’m not drunk at all, I’ll just sit and brood over it and be miserable. You see, I’m in a tough spot goddamnit!

Anyway, that’s about all that’s happening my way. Hopefully I’ll have some good stories and nice pictures when I get back in a few weeks. I’m undecided on whether or not to take my laptop with me. I need to service or buy a new battery so I might haul it along with me and take care of that in Jakarta. Regardless, if I don’t, I’ll update as soon as I can. So, I’m off to try and find some way to fill my time until 3.30, as I have nothing—and I do mean nothing—to do today. I forgot to use deodorant so I’m already sweating and smell like a shithouse rat. Eh, fuck it right. I’m not trying to impress anyone any more.

P.S. I'm unsure why the formatting is so fucked up. I copied and pasted it from Word but it looks as is something went awry. Anyway, I'm too hungover and tired to care about fixing it so my apologies for the sloppiness.