Drivel

I love reading blogs written by foreigners—of any nationality—that reside in this country. Usually, they are full of pointless bullshit copied and pasted from Wikipedia or Lonely Planet (and word for word at that), ridiculous comparisons and full of preposterous vocabulary mixing that vexes me to no end—whilst also making me wonder how they can criticize the average Indonesians’ English skills.

Anyway, for once, I actually read a blog that I can honestly say I enjoyed. Now, it’s not that I don’t enjoy the occasional blog, but most of them just aren’t that well written. Not that I feel superior or anything as mine probably isn’t that good—but just to be fair, I don’t put that much thought or effort into it—but it’s just nice to come across some true feelings that are properly put together into something logical and entertaining.

Honestly, I could post links to so many shit-filled blogs it would make your head spin. So, why do I read them? Well, quite honestly, I get bored. When I’m at work or at home and have nothing else to do, I read. I figure, hey, I might as well read about where I am, see what other people are experiencing and what not. It sure as shit beats watching TV or wasting my time and money at the mall that’s for sure.

But, I don’t write like that and truthfully, I usually find it incredibly boring. However, for some reason, reading naïve, pretentious blogs written by young, soul-searching, wannabie hippies on a gap year is just thoroughly engaging. Not that they’re all hippies, but you get my point. Why I don’t fancy reading curse-laden tirades like mine is beyond me. I guess it’s true that opposites attract.

I’m not sure what it is about seeing someone document every waking minute of his or her day with precise detail that makes me laugh, but it does. Giving exact totals (currency conversions as well!), temperatures, piss poor translations and the like; it’s all just par for the course. Fuck me, it’s just funny! I always think to myself, “Who reads this shit?” but then I tell myself, “You are, dumbass!” Eh, the whole cycle is comical I guess—to someone at least.

I’ve got nothing interesting or engaging to say about Indonesia or the city I live in unless you enjoy rants and curse words. I don’t feel the need to write about buying fruit, eating, driving around, shopping or going to the beach. Man, all that shit is normal, day-to-day life. Is it really that different anywhere in the world? Eh, no. Everybody eats, sleeps, breathes and exists—we just do it in different places and have different tastes.

But then again, who knows? Maybe I’ll give it a go and see how I feel. It could quite possibly be cathartic in some way. Not that I need any more catharsis than I already have, but anyway. So, I’m going to go have a cup of coffee (price unknown but definitely insignificant), have a smoke (same), chat a bit (free), hopefully score some food (maybe free), sweat (OMG, cause it’s like really, really hot outside!) and fuck around (free as well) before I get to go home by motorcycle (sort of free). Eh, actually, this isn’t working.

“Fuck You!” Technology

Yeah, that just about sums up my thoughts rather well. Now, don’t get me wrong, I embrace and use technology just as much as the next person, but maybe it pisses me off and makes me angrier than the average person—especially when it doesn’t work properly. Honestly though, who knows?

Anyway, a good example would be how I buy a fancy, new modem that’s supposed to work great, be great and just fucking work. I had a few hiccups at first—like everything in this damned country it seems—but yesterday afternoon, I finally had the fucker humming along as advertised. I swear, I’d actually go so far as to say it was actually a bit fast. It’s a stretch I know, but all things considered, how could I think otherwise? However, later in the night, it just stopped working. There was no indication of a problem, no disconnect, no flashing lights; it just stopped working. Dead, dead, fucking dead.

Now, I had just reloaded the credit on the SIM card. I had just upgraded the package. I had just used the damned thing for two hours, but when I went to log on again, nothing. Obviously, this made me angry and I voiced my distaste with a string of impolite, curse-laced tirades, which plainly did nothing, but it felt good nonetheless. The thing is, it just feels as if I’m throwing away my money. Not that it’s all that expensive to begin with, but still. Nobody wants to buy something, plan to use it and then have it not work. Hell, that’s just human nature. It’s akin to paying for shitty food and knowing it will be shitty beforehand—it doesn’t make any sense.

End of that rant and now, moving on. Another thing that really chaps my ass is how people can’t seem to function without this wonderful technology. It’s as if it makes life measurably better and is something you just can’t live without. Without trying to be modest, that’s a load of fucking horseshit. If you think that you can’t eat, drink, cook, talk to your friends, drive anything, walk, study, teach, read, listen to music, exercise or any other action without a fucking phone of some sort either in your hand or on your person, you are out of your goddamn mind. Honestly, I don’t think I need to expand on those thoughts. That should be crystal fucking clear.

I could easily go on an endless tirade about how stupid, self-centred and a whole host of other insults I think people that are mindlessly attached to their phones are, but I’m not going to. I’m going to resist judging, categorizing and cutting them down to size, because who can fault them when everyone around them is doing the same thing? Everybody else is smoking, so why not join in? Everybody else is drinking, so why not join in? Everybody else is being rude, pretentious and showing complete social ineptitude, so why not join in? It makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?

Honestly, every time I use a BlackBerry, or anything similar, I usually bang around on it for a minute, get frustrated because it’s mindlessly too complicated, throw it down in disgust and return to my trusty, always functioning, nearly indestructible, equipped with a long-lasting battery Nokia. It sends and receives SMS and phone calls, which is all a phone is good for, and I fucking love it for that reason. I’ve got a camera if I want to take good pictures. I’ve got an iPod for when I want to listen to music. I’ve got a laptop when I want to type something or use the Internet.

As you can imagine, my camera takes superior pictures. My iPod has more storage, is easier to use and has superior sound quality. My laptop is faster, easier to use and much better equipped than any phone I’ve ever seen. Eh, but why keep all these separate items when I could cut them all out for one magic device? Well, I don’t think I ever use them all at the same time and I can’t remember a time when I did or even needed to either. But, once again, this is mindless follower logic, so it’s probably best if I don’t follow.

Anyway, I’m going to wrap this up with a few thoughts, which are more or less digs and stabs. When you take your photo in the mirror with a mobile phone—especially sans shirt—you aren’t cool, you’re a fucking moron. When you take a picture in the dark, with a mobile phone and without a flash, you are a fucking moron. You should’ve brought a camera to the concert, dipshit. When you have more than one phone—especially more than one phone in the vein of a BlackBerry—you aren’t cool, you’re a pretentious schmuck. If you’re so fucking important that one phone isn’t enough, you need and should have an assistant or two. You aren’t cool, you aren’t trendy and you aren’t in ‘the in crowd’. You look stupid, foolish and are fodder for my jokes and putdowns. So, if you agree or don’t agree with this post, please reply and tell me why. However, don’t expect a speedy reply because I don’t have my e-mails forwarded to my phone so I can’t reply while I’m taking a shit or something else that requires much more attention and is far more important—so you’ll just have to fucking wait a bit!

I’m Not Even Going to Pretend to Understand

Why do I seem to have a headache every day? Why can’t I seem to sleep at proper times? Why does it seem to rain every time I want to go somewhere or have something to do? Why do I continue to eat massive quantities of chillies when I know that the next day I will be in horrible gastrointestinal distress — otherwise known as ‘the shits’? None of this makes any good sense. Actually, nothing really seems to make sense any more.

It’s not always a bad thing either. When weird shit just happens out of the blue, it isn’t always bad. When I get a wad of money for a meeting I (apparently) attended or a class I (apparently) taught, that’s great. I love getting money; especially when I’m not expecting any. When I turn up at a new restaurant and find out that the owners’ son is a friend and I get everything comped (including cigarettes!), that’s undoubtedly fucking great.

However, when I turn up in class to monitor exams and then get dropped a bombshell about searching bags for mobile phones, I’m just miffed. Now, I knew this was going to happen; if not today then one day within the next two weeks. It happened last semester, so why not. Anyway, I didn’t do it last time and I damn sure didn’t do it this time either. I asked the other monitor, “Are you going to search each bad?” and got the answer, “Yes, of course. We might find a phone.” I laughed to myself and thought, “There’s no ‘we’ in this conversation. I’m not looking through anyone’s bad except my own.” I then proceeded to sit back, prop up my feet and read.

Now, if the students already know they can’t bring phones and haven’t been bringing them, what’s the point? Also, if you want to search their things, why not do it when they enter school while you’re checking their belts, fingernails, hair, socks, shoes and whether or not their shirts are tucked in properly? I’m a teacher, not a fucking fashion cop. What would make even more sense is to not let them bring their fucking bags in the first place, but then again, that would make some fucking sense. And who would possibly want that?

In addition to the absurdity of the whole ordeal is the simple fact of privacy. I’m not going to search someone’s bag for something as trivial as a fucking mobile phone. For fuck’s sake, surely there are more important things to consider? Actually there are, so let’s make a little list for clarity. I would say that the following things would take precedence: thinking critically; remembering to bring school essentials (books, pens/pencils, rulers, etc.); following instructions; behavior; not cheating; motivation and actually giving a shit. Call me crazy, but I’d say those things are much more important than a fucking mobile phone.

Now, the hilarity of the situation, for me anyway, is that after searching through every bag — and there were twenty-nine of them — said psycho proceeded to whip out her mobile phone and go on an SMS spree. Talk about hypocrisy. I don’t think you can get a better example than that. All the while, I sat silently engrossed in my book. I couldn’t help but wonder what the poor kids were thinking — if they were thinking at all. Sometimes I wonder if that’s a foreign concept here. Actually, I don’t wonder any more; I’m quite sure it’s a fact.

I’m ranting and I know it, but I can’t help it. The fact that I’ve been idle since 11.00 has brought me to this point. Honestly, what else am I supposed to do for 4.5 hours? I can only read, listen to music and surf the Internet so much. And I’ve got two more weeks of this shit — fuck me. You’ll have to excuse me while I go and slowly kill myself. Take care.