I’m Not Even Going to Pretend to Understand

Why do I seem to have a headache every day? Why can’t I seem to sleep at proper times? Why does it seem to rain every time I want to go somewhere or have something to do? Why do I continue to eat massive quantities of chillies when I know that the next day I will be in horrible gastrointestinal distress — otherwise known as ‘the shits’? None of this makes any good sense. Actually, nothing really seems to make sense any more.

It’s not always a bad thing either. When weird shit just happens out of the blue, it isn’t always bad. When I get a wad of money for a meeting I (apparently) attended or a class I (apparently) taught, that’s great. I love getting money; especially when I’m not expecting any. When I turn up at a new restaurant and find out that the owners’ son is a friend and I get everything comped (including cigarettes!), that’s undoubtedly fucking great.

However, when I turn up in class to monitor exams and then get dropped a bombshell about searching bags for mobile phones, I’m just miffed. Now, I knew this was going to happen; if not today then one day within the next two weeks. It happened last semester, so why not. Anyway, I didn’t do it last time and I damn sure didn’t do it this time either. I asked the other monitor, “Are you going to search each bad?” and got the answer, “Yes, of course. We might find a phone.” I laughed to myself and thought, “There’s no ‘we’ in this conversation. I’m not looking through anyone’s bad except my own.” I then proceeded to sit back, prop up my feet and read.

Now, if the students already know they can’t bring phones and haven’t been bringing them, what’s the point? Also, if you want to search their things, why not do it when they enter school while you’re checking their belts, fingernails, hair, socks, shoes and whether or not their shirts are tucked in properly? I’m a teacher, not a fucking fashion cop. What would make even more sense is to not let them bring their fucking bags in the first place, but then again, that would make some fucking sense. And who would possibly want that?

In addition to the absurdity of the whole ordeal is the simple fact of privacy. I’m not going to search someone’s bag for something as trivial as a fucking mobile phone. For fuck’s sake, surely there are more important things to consider? Actually there are, so let’s make a little list for clarity. I would say that the following things would take precedence: thinking critically; remembering to bring school essentials (books, pens/pencils, rulers, etc.); following instructions; behavior; not cheating; motivation and actually giving a shit. Call me crazy, but I’d say those things are much more important than a fucking mobile phone.

Now, the hilarity of the situation, for me anyway, is that after searching through every bag — and there were twenty-nine of them — said psycho proceeded to whip out her mobile phone and go on an SMS spree. Talk about hypocrisy. I don’t think you can get a better example than that. All the while, I sat silently engrossed in my book. I couldn’t help but wonder what the poor kids were thinking — if they were thinking at all. Sometimes I wonder if that’s a foreign concept here. Actually, I don’t wonder any more; I’m quite sure it’s a fact.

I’m ranting and I know it, but I can’t help it. The fact that I’ve been idle since 11.00 has brought me to this point. Honestly, what else am I supposed to do for 4.5 hours? I can only read, listen to music and surf the Internet so much. And I’ve got two more weeks of this shit — fuck me. You’ll have to excuse me while I go and slowly kill myself. Take care.