Becak Mbak?

Ugh, how many times can you hear that line from the greaseball ‘becak’ drivers before you want to vomit? Sadly, it’s the same old tired line and it seems that no one is really biting. Well, to my surprise—and yes I can still even be surprised here—there are actually some ingenious and, dare I say it, people out there with a sense of humor. Indonesian humor, save for the dirty stuff, never seems to really make me laugh but this nearly put me on the ground—and by ground I really mean the gutter.

So anyway, as I’m crossing the railroad tracks in search of something to eat, a random geezer gives the same old tired line. His younger smoking counterpart, obviously noticing the fact that I’ve heard this shit a million times before and I’m not going to bite, revolutionized my life with a line—actually just one word but the context was already set and clear—of his own: “helikopter?” I was truly at a loss for words. The only thing I could come out with was “rock n’ roll” (unoriginal I know but imagine the state of shock I was in). It truly was a moment that should—but won’t—go down in the annals of history.

For almost a week I just couldn’t get this shit out of my head. The dude was obviously just being stupid but fuck me it was the funniest thing I heard (and I stress ‘heard’ not ‘saw’) from anyone—myself included—the entire trip. Even though it pales in comparison to the monstrous one-word life-changer above, the Germans even proved me wrong this time around as well. Well-noted is their inability to be funny but when a German girl totally takes the piss out of a valley girl twice and she doesn’t get it, that’s fucking funny!

Funny German: “I’m from zee US.”

Stupid American: “Really. You don’t sound American. Which part?”

Funny German: “Canada.”

Stupid American: “I don’t think you’re telling the truth.”

Me: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

I took one of the most amazing, outlandish and entertaining bus rides of my entire life as well. Touristy places are notorious for ripping people off and trust me, Indonesia is no exception, but I severely underpaid for this life-altering ride. Now, it took us nearly an hour to get to Magelang from Jombor terminal but let me tell you, going back was a damn slight quicker.

The horn was modified to about 300 times its normal volume and there were no doors so maximal lack of safety could be achieved. This last feature also enables the resident cowboys to hang out of the door and force people off the road, yell at closer range and use the magic hand trick to cut the traffic queue. In other words this was a magic bus of sorts and by the grace of something or someone I was its passenger.

What must have been at least a 1km-long queue, that driver—with unparalleled grace and precision—sliced and diced his way through it, up to the light and off to the right in no less than ten minutes. Had we waited and actually followed the rules (who does that right?), it would have been at least a half-hour and that’s being conservative. We barrelled along through traffic, absolutely raising hell at breakneck speed and pushing fools off the road left and right—literally! I was in the thralls of ecstasy, laughing, egging the guys on and what not while the rest didn’t look so pleased. I’m sure they were thinking, “We paid for this?” while I was thinking, “I only paid x-amount for this!?”.  I was going to request to be dropped off in front of my room as well as for them to be my personal bus for the remainder of the trip—I would’ve sold myself into prostitution to pay for this privilege—when I was abruptly cut off and told to, “stop being stupid, don’t talk to them any more and get off the bus” which I wisely did.  Sometimes reason even resonates with me.

For something a bit serious, I finally managed to stop smoking. Yeah, I know you’re thinking “well that won’t last long” but it’s been nearly a week with zero cigarettes and I can’t see myself falling back into that foolish habit. Over this three-week holiday, I set three goals for myself and the main one was to stop smoking. I’ve accomplished it and I’m rather happy with myself. I’ve nailed the other two as well so I’m a bit over the moon really.

And with that said I have nothing else to say. I’m going to go listen to Mercyful Fate, sit on my ass and do nothing since it’s 08.15 on Friday morning. Take care…\m/